I have the villain of a headache, my eyes are two piss holes in the sand, my tongue is fish-and-chip paper.” Dylan Thomas sounds like he’s in need of some emergency help from the Beauty Bag. Here’s some hangover crisis management advice for him, and anyone else who has but is now tearfully wishing they hadn’t.

There are two types of hangover. The Workday Hangover, which must be disguised as quickly and efficiently as possible, and the Saturday Hangover, which can be nursed with a long hot soak. For the first, I recommend a speedy squirt/ shimmer/puff facial routine. This consists of a squirt of rehydrating spritz to combat the dehydration - try Caudalie’s divinely refreshing Beauty Elixir (pounds 9, 020-7304 7038). Next, a dollop of Prescriptives glowing Vitamin Infuser will lift your absinthe pallor (pounds 35, 01730 232566). A puff of Benefit’s Dandelion blusher (pounds 22, 0901-113 30001) and you will soon look not just better, but almost human too. For a speedy treatment, try Capsule’s cooling Pick Me Up mask (pounds 14, 020- 7408 4444) which only takes three minutes. Lie back and think of dolphins while it minimises that telltale redness.

And when you have a hangover, have overslept and have dirty hair (for trouble always comes in threes) try a new product from KMS - the Turnstylr cleansing spray (pounds 7.50, 01323-413 2000). Not the most savoury idea, but it does help bring a ray of hope to your dark, dark morning.
Now, those at liberty to wallow in their hangover have a whole host of treatments to enjoy. L’Occitane’s Honey Comfort Mask (pounds 15, 020-7907 0301) the cosmetic equivalent of a hug. For bleary eyes, try Du Wop’s I-gels, which look just like silicone boobs but are far more cooling when applied to the eye socket (pounds 16, 020-7379 0379). One tip, however, learnt from bitter experience - don’t over- do the body oil, since this only makes it harder for your pores to expel Famous Grouse.

And next time, stick to champagne. For it’s apparently “the only wine that leaves a woman beautiful” said Madame de Pompadour, and she should know.